Tuesday, December 16, 2008

gifts for the bedridden

This is the time of year when everyone puts out a holiday gift giving guide. In the spirit of this I would like to offer a few gift ideas for the bedridden people in your life. These ideas are not seasonal, so next time a friend is out of commission for a while try one of these gifts to cheer them up. (This is not a sneaky plea for gifts to be poured on me. I've been on bedrest for 2 weeks now and I am determined to deliver a baby tomorrow. I have an appointment, the 17th, I know, prime number, sigh. Maybe this will change my thing about numbers...)

* a scented candle* Did you know that you can create quite a stink just by laying around all day? This is very similar to the delightful smell after a night's sleep. A scented candle is not only a gift for the bedridden but also the people who have to put up with them.

* makeup brushes* It's nice to receive real makeup brushes. They are much better for applying makeup than the silly little foam applicators that come with eyeshadows. It also reminds the bedridden that it's nice to see them looking alive rather than the dead lump of sweatpants and blankies that they have become.

* tabloid magazines* The person on bedrest wants to assure you that the time will be well spent catching up on the classics that they cheated on during high school. Please understand, this is a lie. The bedridden want to peruse issues revealing celebrity cellulite... it cheers us up much more than the great American novel.

* junk food and home cooked meals* This desire alternates. The bedridden are often surrounded by lovely family members who are talented chefs. However, when you're a stinky mess of blankies some days you just want to pound a bag of Cheetos and a diet Coke. (Diet of course, because you're watching your weight. You wouldn't want this little setback to derail your figure.). Other days you watch your loved one stare longingly into the fridge trying to figure out what to make for dinner and you just want to put him out of his misery by magically wishing a home-cooked meal would appear on your doorstep. He does such a good job of caring for you that you want to give him a little gift in return.

I hope you enjoyed this little gift guide. I'm going to roll over now, I can only type one-sided!

1 comment:

Darren said...

The best athletes in their sports wore prime numbers on their backs.

baseball: a toss up between Babe Ruth (#3), Alex Rodriguez (#13), or Steve Sax (#3)

football: a toss up between Dan Marino (#13), Kurt Warner (#13), or Braylen Edwards (#17)

basketball: Michael Jordan (#23) no toss up here

NASCAR: The King, Richard Petty (#43) or Dale Earnhart (#3) although I guess the baby won't be born on the 43rd.